A Step-by-Step Guide to Successful First Contact to keep n touch.
Before reaching out to your family members:.
1. Choose the right mode of communication.
2. Personalize your approach based on individual family members.
3. Consider the significance of timing.
4. Start with a positive tone and open body language.
5. Furthermore, respect boundaries and privacy.
Your Family
Before that first contact, think about how your family members act and react..
Think about their interests, past experiences, and current life situations.
This information can be a foundation for crafting personalized and relatable messages that resonate with individual family members.
When we started our note from Mom thing, a little over15 years ago, we did not dream it would last this long.
Mode Of Communication
Which is the right mode to use for this communication? Would your family do better with a kind o “round robin version of a regular letter” where everyone writes a bit about what is happening in their life?
My Mom tried this with us at one point, before the internet became a part of our lives. We had some success, but the letter often ended up getting hung somewhere on some ones desk, and was never answered.
Those of us who communicated anyhow, round robin or plain got tired of waiting and never hearing. I am not sure what the answer that that situation was.
Consider your family’s communication preferences when selecting the mode. Some may appreciate the sincerity of a handwritten letter, while others may prefer the immediacy of a phone call or the convenience of a digital message.
We were all very busy when this Moms note started in my own family. I was working really hard to grow a personal income tax prepration business within a franchise. With juggling more responsibility I found I often let weeks go by with no communication with my 3 children. My grandkids were growing up and I was not able to know about the daily accomplishments.
After recently establishing a daily office manager email, I decided to try it with my family. This allowed me to write at a good time for me, and they could read and respond at a good time for them. I could also read at a good time for me. Another plus is that response expectations were low, a quick word about what was new today, and not be responsible for the whole letter,
So I limited myself to 15 minutes right before the office manager update for the day, and soon we were on into the off season for personal income tax prep, and we were still corresponding daily. Maybe not everyone, but someone was participating, and with the group mailing, the kids were getting closer, knowing what was going on with each of them in their lives.
Personalizing Approach
Figuring out what works and what doesn’t for your family may take a bit if trial and error.
Recognize and celebrate the uniqueness of each family member, and we are all different. This is why the email worked then and still works for us. We started with just my 3 kids and myself. Then along the way my daughter-in-law requested being added. Then as the oldest grandkids got into college and were no longer at home all the time they asked to be included.
So now we only have the 7 members, with one more considering being on the list. Of course, we all use texting and other forms like what’s app, but the email is still our go to. If I am sending out something I need an answer to pretty quick, I just go to my group texting mode and let them know to check the email! I know, seems weird, but it works for us.
With grandchildren in Northern California and Northern Arizona, plus 3 with in an hour and a half drive away, I can stay in the loop better. I know about more important events than I would otherwise.. Again, busy schedules and communicating when it is convenient continue to make this work for us.
Personalize your communication by highlighting shared memories or common interests. By doing so, you create a relatable and inviting place that encourages open dialogue and strengthens the connection between family members.
Timing Your First Contact
Timing is a critical factor in successful communication. If you are wanting to do a shared phone call with some form of technology, of course time is important. And even with the daily email, we shared calls in different forms during the shutdown. Occasionally those are preferred.
Choose a moment when your family members are likely to be receptive and have the time for a meaningful conversation. Avoid reaching out during busy periods or when they may be preoccupied. You want to be able to start staying n touch on a positive and attentive interaction.
These time may be better on a monthly or weekly schedule. And if you are starting with just one or two, you may be able to do this. I love seeing the kids on face to face when there are special occasions, where they are dressed for a special occasion, or they just had an exciting moment, like pictures of engagement rings, that kind of thing.
Then we usually turn to Face Book. A little less personal, but we can view the special moment.
A Positive Tone
Start your stay n touch effort on a positive note. Express a genuine desire to reconnect and share positive aspects of your life.
This positive tone sets the stage for a constructive and welcoming conversation. Additionally, whether communicating in person or digitally, use open and inviting language to convey warmth and sincerity.
If you are aware that your family could do a better job of keeping n touch, and you would like to hear more often reach out.
What are they going to do? Say no? If so, right now may not be the right time for them. However, if you mention that your other sister, or your aunt or mom are interested, they might grab a chance. Try with who is interested at the time. Others may become interested. Just start somewhere.
If you initiate the contact, be prepared to start the ball rolling. A simple “good morning” will work if you are really busy, or have absolutely nothing to say that time. It is enough to get things started with a statement like, “This morning, when I looked out the window, I was reminded of the house we had the family reunion in near the lake. Remember? That was a fun reunion.”
Or “the lady next door has a robe a lot like Mom’s had when we were kids” or “I need some suggestions for using my new air fryer, what do you like best in the air fryer?” Just a simple open statement or question is enough for most people.
Respect Boundaries and Privacy
They may be family and you may know lots of what has happened in their lives, but still, there are some things you don’t share. Other peoples secrets are not to be shared.
A successful keep n touch group will soon have their own secrets, and who ever owns the secret gets to share it when and if they are ready.
Acknowledge and respect the boundaries for your family members.
Avoid sharing sensitive or personal matters too soon. Instead, focus on building rapport and trust, creating a safe environment that encourages open communication in the future.
Listen and Empathize With Family Members
Practice active listening during your conversations.
Give your family members the space to express themselves, and show empathy towards their experiences and emotions.
Acknowledge their feelings and validate their perspectives.
Active listening creates a supportive environment and strengthens the foundation of your communication.
Yes, we all have those members who are sicker, who hurt more, who have been wronged more often. Then to confuse the issue even more they can do more, run faster, cook better or has smarter kids. When these 2 personalities belong to just one person, it is frustrating.,
Don’t let this person run rough shod over the rest and ruin the shared communication. Just as you are polite to this person, but ignore what they have to say in person, you can answer with a minimum of words and move on.
Steer clear of making assumptions about your family members.
Instead, ask open-ended questions to gather information and gain insights.
Avoid sensitive topics during the initial interactions to prevent potential discomfort.
Focus on building a connection based on shared interests and positive experiences, laying the groundwork for deeper conversations in the future.
Sami’s take on “5 Tips for Making That First Contact”
Creating a strong foundation for family communication is a good way to build lasting relationships.
Whether reconnecting with distant relatives or initiating conversations with estranged family members, a thoughtful approach can pave the way for meaningful connections. With these 5 tips you will have a roadmap to consider in of family communication. And in making enduring bonds for the future.
The normal ways we have communicated with family tends to be lost in time as the family ages and moves about the country.
Emd your initial contact by expressing your interest in continuing the conversation.
Leave the door open for further communication and express your willingness to stay connected.
A thoughtful follow-up reinforces your commitment to building a lasting relationship with your family members, ensuring the connection continues to grow over time.
By incorporating some of these tips, you’ll not only initiate successful family communication but also lay the groundwork for building enduring relationships that stand the test of time.
Thank you,
Sami